he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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