Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
