a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
