Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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