Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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