Kiss
Puke
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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