you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
