i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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