I love black thongs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
