Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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