can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize