We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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