why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she smelled like a LAN party
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
