she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize