Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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