someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he thought i was a dude.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
