i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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