I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
