I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You don't make any sense
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