i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
