Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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