Tell her she can't have a vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
