So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
