yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
