If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
