Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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