Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
