I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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