ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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