I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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