i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we're so committed to being not committed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
