yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
