I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
