Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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