I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
