She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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