How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
