I just pynch a tree in the face
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
