he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
