i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have post one night stand depression
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize