HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
