doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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