apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
two words: eviction party
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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