And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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