If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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