am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
