There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
