I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
