i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
