they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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