Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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