Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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