My first STD was from a foam party
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize