Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize