4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
