The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
