I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
