"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize