either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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