there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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