I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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