cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
