My liver just broke up with me...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
