Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
