I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize