giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
