Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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