Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
