k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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