Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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